Are you talkin' to me?...Are you talkin' to ME?

    Is it just me, or are people actually speaking to me differently now that I am a senior? (I don't want to be a "senior": I just want to be Sandi, BTW!). Has anyone else noticed this?

I can't describe exactly how it sounds, but it's kind of babying, hyper-solicitous or jovial tone. If you've noticed this, how would you describe it? I know when I hear it because it elicits a Travis Bickle response in me. Hey, are you talking to me??

 My insurance company offers free Zoom classes, and I signed up for one on preventing falls. My chronic failure to read details had caused me to sign up for a class that was not about exercise - rather it was about facing your fears about falling. Ruh! Roh! Big Mistake!

 About a dozen people in the class, all appeared to be retirement aged. We introduced ourselves, and several people were retired professionals.   None of us gave any outward appearance of senility.

The instructor began talking to the class in a loud, excessively jolly voice. "Oh, I am so glad to see you all here. You remembered to come, and you have all been able to turn on your computers!, That is just so wonderful!" she began. I began to feel a rising tide of resentment in my stomach.

    "Oh, Miss Sandi, Mr. Bill, how are you today?" She didn't ask anyone how they wished to be addressed. (Gurgle) She then asked us to turn to page 2 of the lesson book and write down the dates and times of each class. "I know we are all old school, and we tend to forget things if we don't write them down." (Loud fake laughter.)

    I waved my smart phone at the camera and shut her down! Can you imagine addressing any other group of adults in such an infantilizing manner? My next step was to write a letter of complaint to the insurance company. I hope Mr. Bill did the same thing.

    One afternoon, walking in my neighborhood, I met a young man whom I knew and liked. We got into a conversation. "Wow," he exclaimed, you still have some knowledge about what is going on in the world."

     Sometimes I wonder if I have "doddering old fool" imprinted on my forehead. Why do some people assume that I am deaf and senile? I'm not happy about this.  

So far my brain seems to be in decent woking order, and I do read and listen to the news. I guess I am somewhat hypersensitive about this. I worked in mental health, and it was a cardinal rule, personally and professionally, "don't talk down to people."

I have to say, however, this situation has forced me to think back about whether I still might have done this to people who are older than I. I am thinking especially about my mother.

My mom had Alzheimer's, and she did suffer cognitive decline, obviously. My brother and I found ourselves transitioning inevitably into the role of decision makers in her life. At times, we had to tell her what she was going to do, a radical change from trying to be obedient children. A difficult change. So tempting to speak as if talking to a child (though I am fairly confident that we never said, "Because I said so." ) She was still an adult and our mother, and I think we tried hard to speak to her in that way. I hope we did.

So, I am concluding that a measure of forbearance and kindness is called for. I believe that these folks mean to be kind to us doddering old fools. They have no clue that I am still armed and dangerous! I plan to dazzle them with my ability to use words with more than two syllables and discuss the variations in rainfall in my backyard. They will learn not to mess with me!