Little Kids in PJs

 About 7:30 this morning, while on my morning walk, I witnessed the sweetest family scene. A family was out in the yard seeing the dad off to work. Dad sat behind the wheel of the station wagon with his window rolled down. Before rolling down into the street, he stopped a moment and leaned out to say good-bye. Two little boys, still in their pjs, straddled their scooters beside the driveway, and the mom stood beside the boys and held a big mug of presumably coffee. 

     As Dad eased down the driveway, he waved and said, “Good-bye, I love you. I love you.” 

     The boys cried out over and over, “Bye Daddy, Bye Daddy, love you too, love you.”

      Mom watched her boys and waved goodbye to her husband. 

    The Dad started down the street, still calling “I love you. I love you.”

    I felt this scene of a young family’s love, so openly expressed, to be very moving. It seemed such a beautiful contrast to the constant barrage of negativity with which I begin most days. And it lifted my heart and my spirits.

    Granted, this scene stirred my memories of the 50s when my brother and I wore the pjs, and our dad was the one going off to work. Not that we ever stood out in the yard and sang out our love to the neighborhood. 

    I almost didn’t write about this. I am aware that this picture is one that is unfamiliar to many people - many family experiences are radically different. 

A white man and a woman and two kids, is not the only kind of family who loves each other. And there are many other reasons that others may not want to idealize the scene as I witnessed it. And, yes, this could have been one moment of peace in a troubled family, but I don’t think so.

    The point is not how the family looked or who was or wasn’t in the family. The point is that these people so obviously loved each other and began their day sending one member off to work knowing that he is loved, and joyously so, by the people who are his beloved.

    Any family, of any content or structure, could fit into this picture, where love is the theme. Love that is so beautifully and wholeheartedly expressed that it is a treasured moment to witness it. 

   Sometimes I forget that such people exist. Sometimes I think that there is precious little good in the world. I’m glad to know that I am wrong. Despite that other stuff, I am now reminded that love still lives in us human beings, and it is strong.

    I walked on by and said good morning - you have a beautiful family. The mom said, “thank you so much!” I didn’t stop to tell her how much I loved seeing them, too intrusive. But the clear, unsullied, reality of this is that there was enough love to spill over into my life, and I’m grateful I was there to receive it.

   

Out of Country, Not Out of Mind

January 25, I left home at 4:30 a.m. and deposited my husband at the Jacksonville airport. We kissed goodbye, and that's the last time I will see him until March 8. (2 and 1/2 weeks ago: 3 and 1/2 weeks to go). Yikes! Whose idea was this? 

G-man is taking a trip to Guatemala to celebrate his recent retirement, to have an adventure, learn something, hang out with his buddy, and possibly do some good work. I remember saying, several times, that I was happy that he was going to give himself this time and, "No" I didn't want to go. 

So, he flew away, and I spent the first day, busy with activities but anxious to know that he had arrived safely and found his way to his destination. When a brief, tired e-mail came late that night, I was so relieved that I laughed out loud, realizing to what extent I had been worried about him.

I have spent a great deal of time on my own in my life. I was divorced for 10-plus years before I met G., and not too unhappily. G-man was a surprise to me... that we met and married when I was almost 50, and that we have been able to make a relationship between two independent people that works. We are not only happy, we love each other.  I've traveled away from him from time to time, but not for six weeks!

It's not a question of whether I can make it on my own, of course I can. It's not a question of whether I am willing for him to go alone, yes, I am. The question is: am I going to like it?  Maybe, not so much.

I am busy with a lot of activities each day, but as those wind down, I find myself wondering how much longer it will be before he calls (through Skype). I miss him, and when I see his face, however blurry, on my computer screen, I feel intensely how much I do miss him.

I've learned some things about marriage over our 14 years (duh, who wouldn't).  First that it can last. I had to work up some trust in that area as my marriage track record indicated otherwise. 

Healthy independence has been a favorable factor in our marriage, especially since that goes along with another kind of trust, that which lets the other go freely in the world. We are together and stay together because that is what we each want. 

I wanted G. to have this time to explore on his own a place that he loves. I wanted him to kick up his heels a bit to shake off the shackles of a job that weighed him down these past few years. I wanted him to have fun with his buddy from San Francisco. (I knew G. still harbored his inner hippie from those days - he is now growing a mustache and goatee!!)

I know he will come home, and that he misses me.

While all of this is true, especially that I will weather this separation, I also know that my life, however independent, is better when G. is around - that is, within hugging distance. 

This is the bottom line on my good marriage. I can be separated for six weeks, but I'm not going to like it.