G-man is taking a trip to Guatemala to celebrate his recent retirement, to have an adventure, learn something, hang out with his buddy, and possibly do some good work. I remember saying, several times, that I was happy that he was going to give himself this time and, "No" I didn't want to go.
So, he flew away, and I spent the first day, busy with activities but anxious to know that he had arrived safely and found his way to his destination. When a brief, tired e-mail came late that night, I was so relieved that I laughed out loud, realizing to what extent I had been worried about him.
I have spent a great deal of time on my own in my life. I was divorced for 10-plus years before I met G., and not too unhappily. G-man was a surprise to me... that we met and married when I was almost 50, and that we have been able to make a relationship between two independent people that works. We are not only happy, we love each other. I've traveled away from him from time to time, but not for six weeks!
It's not a question of whether I can make it on my own, of course I can. It's not a question of whether I am willing for him to go alone, yes, I am. The question is: am I going to like it? Maybe, not so much.
I am busy with a lot of activities each day, but as those wind down, I find myself wondering how much longer it will be before he calls (through Skype). I miss him, and when I see his face, however blurry, on my computer screen, I feel intensely how much I do miss him.
I've learned some things about marriage over our 14 years (duh, who wouldn't). First that it can last. I had to work up some trust in that area as my marriage track record indicated otherwise.
Healthy independence has been a favorable factor in our marriage, especially since that goes along with another kind of trust, that which lets the other go freely in the world. We are together and stay together because that is what we each want.
I wanted G. to have this time to explore on his own a place that he loves. I wanted him to kick up his heels a bit to shake off the shackles of a job that weighed him down these past few years. I wanted him to have fun with his buddy from San Francisco. (I knew G. still harbored his inner hippie from those days - he is now growing a mustache and goatee!!)
I know he will come home, and that he misses me.
While all of this is true, especially that I will weather this separation, I also know that my life, however independent, is better when G. is around - that is, within hugging distance.
This is the bottom line on my good marriage. I can be separated for six weeks, but I'm not going to like it.
