I had a long, catch-up phone call with my sweet niece, Hannah, yesterday. Such a good talk. I'm still smiling.
When I talk with her, I'm forced to override some cognitive dissonance I experience. I visualize a precious, precocious 4-year-old with whom I once experieced many pleasant days. The person speaking, however, is a precious, precocious, just-turned-21 year-old - a fact my brain rejects.
I also have to fight against speaking to her in old-fart aphorisms, but I have only moderate success with this. I believe that one of the chief frustrations young people experience in talking with old people is the tendency of old people to try to sum up what they have learned about any subject in the form of "good advice."
Young people have most of their life experiences ahead of them. They are eager to get on with it, to live, and not to hold still and listen to someone else's life or to accept the distilled wisdom of someone else's experiences. I use the word "wisdom" here advisedly.
I don't blame them. I was the same way. I well remember fidgeting through my parents' well-meaning stories and warnings - "What could you possibly know about it?" floated, unspoken, through my head. "You couldn't possibly know what it's like to be young."
To my niece and other young people I would say, "Please be patient with us. We can't help the way we are either." We have learned things along the way; we want to share what we have learned; and we want to guide you and protect you from some of the pains of living, if we can. Ah, we just love you. That's all.
It's like Holden Caulfied says at the end of The Cathcer in the Rye, when his little sister Phoebe is riding the carousel and trying to grab the golden ring. Holden wants to stop her; to keep her from falling and getting hurt. But he decides that you can't do it. You have to let them reach out, to try, to go for the golden ring. I don't remember if he says this next part, but I think you also have to stand by in case they do fall and need you.
To my niece's credit, she is a patient listener, and has never made me feel like an old fart. I love her for that and the fact that she talks to me about her life. What a treasure. I love hearing about it. I try to ask questions more and to give advice less, but it just comes out of my mouth. I am an old fart after all.
